I've come to notice that I'm falling behind. My friends have progressed faster in life than I have and I'm starting to panic. They get out there, they meet new people, form new groups while I sit in my house like a hermit. I'm afriaid I'm falling so far behind that I might eventually loose them. As we get closer and closer to the end of the year and to graduating, I wonder what will become of me. We made so many plans, plans that made me feel like we would be together forever. It was all good. But as we go along, things are changing. People are changing, although, it could just be me who has changed. People say to me, in reality, highschool friends drift apart and never see eachother again, I can't bring myself to believe that, but it makes me wonder, for the people who say this, do they even want to put in the effort? Don't they want to be friends anymore? Where did I go wrong?
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| Me in the future? |
I invision myself alone. In a dinky little apartment not far from home. I have a rubbish low paying job and own a fish who I talk to because I no longer have friends to contact. Friends who have moved on, have amazing lives and great new friends. Could I turn out to be the crazy old lady off The Simpsons who throws cats at people? This vision might be a bit harsh but I can't help think that I will eventually wind up alone. Actually, a more realistic vision may not be too far off from where I am now. Staring at my facebook page hoping something will happen. Sitting in my room with my Playstation shooting hookers on GTA. Opening and closing my phone with a hope someone will txt to say ''Hey, lets go somewhere.''. Sitting by myself on the beach and staring at nothing because that's the most I ever get out. Pathetic, I know.
Anyway, I guess you could say being alone is one of my biggest fears. And I guess you could say ''You loser, just get out and talk to people.'', and you'd be right, but belive me, I try, I try to the point when it's just plain sad. But I mean, you would get sick of someone if they constantly kept trying to talk to you ALL the time wouldn't you? Especially one as boring as I. That's something else I've noticed, I'm really boring. I bore myself to the point where I just go ''Screw this, I'm going to shoot some hookers.''. It's weird. But how does one change that? Google wont even tell me. I must be doomed if Google doesn't know.
I don't know why I write this, I guess it doesn't matter either way, no one will read it. I guess it's good to get it out. In public, probly not so much... so why am I still writting?... An excuse not to do my Biology work? Perhaps.
